Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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