omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
