ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
My pussy is not your playground.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Randomize
