theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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