I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Randomize
