i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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