you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
