Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
