A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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