uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
