No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize