I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Randomize
