I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
