I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
