I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
tell me about the eggs
And then he peed in my hair
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