Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
