she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
