she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
