remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
