I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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