It's like God shit irony all over that family
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
