I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
