So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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