He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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