That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
