I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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