I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
