"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
