tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
