I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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