the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize