Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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