i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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