It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
