just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
