I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Randomize
