dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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