I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
