I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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