can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize