i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
