i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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