my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
