the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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