i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
