Me. At least after what I've been through.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
