I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
