so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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