so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
