I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
