Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
