Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
