Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
