I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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