dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
