I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
