so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
