The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
