i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
