Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
