Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
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