i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
