maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
