Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
