Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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