god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Vodka?
Forever.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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