Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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