As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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