Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
