she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Randomize
