Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
