Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
