i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
