i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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