either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
