Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Randomize
