There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
