the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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