im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
