he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
