When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
