i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
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