Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
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