Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
