I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Randomize
