i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
