There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
