Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
