I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
