I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
