awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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