wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
She tied me up with her honor cords...
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
