I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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