My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
