and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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