Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
