Someone shit on the floor
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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