Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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