shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize