Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
